What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 10:59
Ive learnt so much.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
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He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What is a common thought that keeps people up at night? Why do some people experience this?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
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And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
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Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
What made you stop being an addict?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was scared of men, in general
Im still living with it.
How did you respond to, "Why do you love me"?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why do most Indian women cuckold or cheat on their husbands?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She was in good health!
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When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
What do you think about wearing sheer pantyhose?
But, we were locked up after school.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
All the time i was locked up.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I write beautiful poetry .
Where did Noah build the Ark? Was it in a desert or near water?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why do people who were very kind and loving once become cold-hearted?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What did i know ?
So, i spoilt her more .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And i lived it daily.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He knew the spot.
I waited trembling.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Would this be the day?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I have no regrets .
We were not on the streets..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So whats the point in blame.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She married twice! .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I will be 64.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He resisted the act ,that day.
We all went to grammer schools
I don,t even have a pension.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was 9 years of age.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She wouldn,t have been !
I think the readers, may guess!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
This is soul school!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
When she asked me how she looked .
One cannot live in the past .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was seconnd youngest,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Who then, do I blame.?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I said to her
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My family never makes their pension either.
I was very sick at this time too.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Put me off passion for life!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She found it foreign!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My life is so biszare .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She loved him until the end.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But it wasn’t much.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
It was going to be , some day.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.